Going through the pages of my Diary !!!

My diary is the only place where I am true to myself. I don’t feel shy, I don’t fear anyone, I just write whatever comes to my mind. I am writing my thoughts in my diary since my very childhood, as my father taught me to write. I am just quoting few lines as I can’t write everything here, but they are enough to invoke certain thoughts.

10^th May, 1997

Today she looked at me and smiled. She likes me, I know. I like her too, but I hate her specs. I don’t know why she wears them. She thinks it makes her look studious, but I don’t like it. I don’t know how people kiss with those specs on. I am not going to do that, I am sure about that. But what if she asks me? Well, I am a good boy, how can I even say no to a girl. Hmmm… I think that day is going to come soon.

 10^th May 2000

 Again today, She ignored me. I don’t understand what’s wrong with her. I know she likes me, otherwise why she finds small excuses to come and talk to me. If she doesn’t love me then why is she always searching for me? I have to do something. I think I should ask her out. I mean a proper date. But, what if she says ‘No’. I don’t know, she might say ‘No’. God! Why things are not simple enough.

 10^th May 2003

 The way she pushes her specs upwards, Oh my god! It’s so cute. And then when she looks at me above her glasses. wow. I feel like kissing her now and then. Today is one of my happiest day, as I spent the whole day with her. I don’t know whether she truly understands my emotions or feelings for her. But, I noticed that she blushed when I look at her. I think she also loves me. I am so happy.

 10^th May, 2006

 Tomorrow is my wedding. And at last I am marrying a girl who is the most beautiful girl that I know of and who doesn’t wear glasses. May be I took the decision to marry a little bit early. But I can’t even think of living without her. I love her and I just want to stay my whole life with her. I am so lucky to have her. Thank you God.

 10^th May, 2010

 What the hell life has become? All that I have to worry know is about buying things. All that I have to think about is kids, their school, and their tuition. And I hate this family relations and festivals. Why no one understands that I don’t have time for all this? And among all this I have completely forgotton myself. I simply don’t have any time for myself. I don’t know how long I can continue life like this.

10^th May, 2014

It’s my happiest day today; I got the promotion for which I worked so hard. And the party was awesome. It’s really satisfying to see the kids having fun. Rex, my elder son, is growing to be a really handsome man now, the way he is getting taller; I know soon he will be taller than me. And the way he looks around for everything and me, I am getting proud of him. My daughter, Maya, is my life, my soul. Everything that I do now is just for her smile and her lovely hug. She is getting naughty, I know, I love her too much. I just wish she didn’t have to wear those specs. But fathers always love their daughter no matter what and I love her more than any father had loved their daughters.

Today when I read everything in my diary, I realize how my thoughts, my priorities and my choices have changed. I look at things very differently now. And they invoke a lot of thoughts and confusions.

Is it the time that is changing my views or it is the compulsions and commitments of life which are changing me and my thoughts?

The answers, I will never be able to find…