Again the feeling of uneasiness is creeping within me. There is something inside me which is disturbing me again. Maybe I am getting frustrated, about something or on something.
But what do I do when I can’t find any means of expressing my frustration. I don’t even know whether it is a frustration or something else.
I thought doing creative things can bring people out of the frustration or the uneasiness inside them. Some people draw something, some write something, some create something unique, some beat up people, some do something or the other.
Following the lead, I did tried many method to divert my mind away from this thought of frustration. I started drawing, I started writing poems, I started writing useless stuffs, I started watching movies, I started driving car uselessly, and so on. But realizing the fact that I am not good in anything is adding up more frustrations. Even when I draw a face, I can’t create the expression that I want to create. It just becomes a pure wastage of effort. I can’t write the way I want to. The situation is really helpless now.
All efforts to remove my frustration, all efforts to remove those eyes from my memories in just going in vain. Her mesmerizing eyes are still there just right in front of my eyes, even when I close my eyes.
It all started in that evening. I met this group of acquaintances on my way home. I just had this hi-bye kind of relationship with them. And so we started having a casual chat. And just during the talk, coincidentally I looked at her and our eyes met. Even in that darkness her eyes shined like a twinkle star. And it changed everything. There was something in those eyes that shook my world upside down.
Even after one week now, I am unable to explain why she had that expression in her eyes. We hardly know each other to have any emotions or feeling. I could not understand how can anyone bring such strong feelings without knowing someone. Is she really having such feelings? Or is it just something that I am assuming?
Whatever it was, but from that moment I am having this feeling of disturbance. Hundreds of questions are disturbing me, and answers creeping me with more confusions. Some of the explanations are in favor of me, and some make me look most foolish guy in the whole world. And I am not sure what I am exactly.
I looked at the half done sketch in front of me. I looked more closely. I have drawn the face outline, the nose, the lips, I am yet to draw the eyes. My hands started shaking. Why am I getting so scared to draw the eyes?
Do I want to draw the expression that I saw in her eyes ? Can I really do it?
The face without the eyes looked scary. I closed my eyes, I was scared from within. What am I doing? Am I trying to create something which can’t be created?
I was getting angry now. I know she don’t exist for me, only her expression, her eyes existed for me. But what is the point if I cannot create her eyes in my drawings. What will I do with those expression which I can’t keep with myself.
I realized creativity too has limitations. Her mesmerizing eyes, her expression has now no meaning for me otherwise. I finally found out a way out of my confusions.