Am I really impossible? Or within the shades of these impossibilities lies the beauty of a greater possibility. But is someone really interested to look towards that greater possibility. May be they are quite happy with the superficial life that they hang around ourselves and call it their satisfied life. Aren’t we all scared to take that extra step, dig a little more, push an extra inch to find out what lies ahead?
May be we are satisfied with what we have, without any motivation or passion to live a life of possibilities or probabilities. It is just that we are scared of unknowns. Things have become so vulnerable that we don’t even trust our own judgments. Even when we know something is not right or right, we are scared to accept it, we try to go with the flow. Because we are afraid of something, and that something is not known to us.
It is generally believed that people do things based on some purpose. I also do a lot of things on purpose. The trouble lies in properly identifying the purpose behind every action. Some people will say loud that they don’t do everything on purpose, but it’s their problem. May be they need to sit and think with a calmer mind. And something like that happened with me. Nowadays, whatever I am doing, I have no explanation. All I know is that everyone around me is trying to keep their distance, somewhere they are scared to be with me or come near me. And I know it is definitely based on something that I am doing.
Question is am I doing something that is scaring them away or it is their weaknesses that is forcing them to run away. Whatever it is, I don’t know what I was trying to achieve. I don’t even know what I was doing. But whatever I was doing, I realized that I was making my life more complex. And I was making it more difficult for people around me to come near me. I have no answer. All I realized that I was getting more passionate, more and more angry, restless, frustrated and so on. I don’t know why. And that was scaring away people.
Then one day, with a calmer state of mind, a thought struck me. Is it really easy to understand the purposes in all cases? Or sometime we are unable to understand or find a proper explanation of the purposes? Yes, it is true, sometimes it is difficult to understand the purpose behind a particular action. Such instances are more common with people who don’t understand themselves.
But then, why am I pretending that I don’t understand the pretext behind my action. May be I knew all along why I want to scare the people away from me. May be I don’t want to say it loud, but I know it. And I got scared of myself. Sometimes it is really difficult to face our own self. And that’s scary. How do someone lie to himself? It may be easy to pretend or avoid, may be!!! but lying, I think is difficult.
And within this turmoil of thought, I am doing things which have no explanations. Whether I am lying to myself, whether I am pretending something, whether I am doing something on purpose… everything has become so confusing that I am losing myself.
And yes, I am becoming impossible. It’s no one’s fault, the fault just lie within me. If I am building scenarios around myself which makes it impossible for someone to trust me, I can’t blame them, nor do I blame them. May be this is what I want. May be I don’t people to trust. May be I don’t want responsibilities.
I am just a casual guy. And I take things casually. And I don’t want to take responsibilities. And so, I am impossible….