Living an Intense Life ?

images12“I don’t understand relationships” I said in frustration

“Why is that?” She asked with a smile

“Because of the simple reason that when I am ready to go length to keep this relationship intact, I don’t see the same sort of effort from your side.

When I can wait whole night just expecting a message reply from you, why can’t you do that? Why are you sleeping instead of waiting for my reply?” I questioned

“It’s nothing like that. I was just too tired, you know. And I waited for sometime but could not stress any longer. And why did you wait. I didn’t ask you to wait?” She shrugged

“That’s why I said I don’t understand relationship. I don’t take any thing for granted. I work for it. If I want something I really put effort and I ensure that I don’t loose any opportunity”, I replied and went to the next room.

Though I said her that today, but from last few days, this question has been bothering me. Is it really good to have such an intense life? Is it really good to be passionate and perfectionist in everything that we do?

Passion is different for everyone, even when I am passionate about something, the other person may not be passionate about it like the way I am expecting it. But then without passion, does anything really has a meaning. Can painters create great paintings without being passionate about what they are painting? Can a writer write a big book without being passionate about writing? If all such things demand us to be passionate, then what’s wrong in bringing passion into our relationships? Can we really have a strong intense relationship without being passionate?

So far, I have realized that when I am into a relationship with someone, I put everything into it. I go to extent where things become unbearable from the other side. It also becomes difficult for me to sustain it. I do realize in many situations that I am asking for too much. In fact if I get what I am asking for, may be, I won’t accept it. But then, I do it and make things uncomfortable for everyone around me. Is it really being perfectionist or passionate, OR, something else? Am I really passionate about relationships or there is another explanation hidden into it? Am I trying to create situations where it becomes impossible for the other person to stay with me? Or am I really trying to check the passion about the other person? Or is it that I am different?

If I can stay whole night waiting for her, is it really passionate if she also waits whole night for me? Is it really showing your passion or just doing something for the sake of it? Well, contradictory thoughts!!! As a normal person I would like if someone goes an extra mile to show me the care or love she has for me. But as a rational person, why should she even bother to show anything extra when I know she cares or loves me. But then the question comes in, do we really need to show something when we love or care for someone, or we just do certain things without even bothering about the reactions from the other side if we truly love the other person. So, how does it matter whether she waits for me whole night or not? If I am passionate and want an intense love, let me stay awake for that reply and not ask her to do the same. So, question is why I am even telling her that I am awake whole night waiting for her sms? Am I trying to show that I care for her and I can do lot of things for her? Am I trying to show her that I am passionate about her? Do I need credit for doing something for her?

Can we really have a relationship when our passions mismatch? Well, we can’t. And that’s the crux of an extreme intense relationship, where we both understand each other’s passion about the relation and appreciate it. It is not about waiting whole night for a sms. It is far more deeper than that. It is about understanding the passion of the other person and reciprocating it.

But by now, I have realized that being passionate about a relationship and showing it or expecting it, is just a myth. If I am passionate about something and want to live a real intense life, I don’t need acknowledgements from any one. Being passionate from inside, enjoying what I feel or what I do is – just my life. And no one can be part of it. Expecting someone else to appreciate it or to be part of it is just not possible.

The best way to live an intense life is to stay alone …..

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