Shiela was shocked. What is he saying? She was not expecting such a statement from him. She couldn’t say anything for few moments. But, then asked “What are you saying? What I don’t understand? What’s happening here?”
“Whatever is happening is not an outcome of a single event of single day. It is what I have felt for the past many days and so on. If you cannot realize what is missing in our relation, then I can’t do anything. May be because you are just looking at things from your perspectives?” Raj was coolly saying these things.
Shiela was getting angry with each statement now. What is he saying? She could not understand a bit of it. She asked again “Can you please explain it more clearly? What is that happened between us that had made you felt like this? I can’t understand what has happened in the past days to make you so aloof. And what I don’t understand? Please tell me clearly” Shiela almost sobbed with the end of her statement. She didn’t know why she felt like crying. But somehow she is realizing that something is terribly wrong here. And she was not at all prepared for what was about to come.
“I am not a super man. I am not a super star either. I am just a simple man with simple habits and simple aspirations. You wanted a super man, a super star. I am not the person you dream in your dreams” Raj said seriously
She could not stop her crying and with her irresistible sobs she said “When did I said I want you to be a super man, or a super star. I like the way you are. I never dream of any one else except you. Why are you saying all this? Please stop saying all this.”
“I am not saying you don’t like me or you don’t dream of me. But, somewhere there inside you is a hidden image of a super man. You hide him, you keep him in a safe place. But at every moment of time you just compare me with him. And knowingly or unknowingly you are unhappy when you find that I am inferior to him.” Raj looked at her. She was still crying.
He continued “This is very difficult to understand but think about it. Whether someone beats someone in the road, whether you look beautiful or not, or whether I talk to you the way I used to or not. Everytime you are trying to compare with something. And you expect to react in a certain way. And when I don’t you believe something is wrong. You are busy in trivial things when I was fighting the battle of life”
“But I compared you with you only. You used to laugh, talk and you were so different. Now you don’t. I don’t compare you with anyone else. Can’t I even expect a reply from you on whether I am looking good or not. If I don’t ask you, then whom will I ask? What sort of things are you thinking? What happened to you?” Shiela said and with sobs came near Raj to hold his hands.
Raj was still in a different mood “I just gave you these examples. You married to me with some expectations. And may be I was different at that time. But time changes, and so do people. Did you tried to adjust with me? No, you didn’t, you still want me to be like what I was or like you super man. I can’t laugh now, so what can I do? If I don’t feel like joking or saying naughty things or getting romantic, what can I do? I can’t always try to work according to you expectations. I can’t remain the same picture that you have drawn for me. Instead, you always want me like earlier, you always keep on comparing with some mysterious man. And that is taking you away from me?”
“I am going away from you, What nonsense are you talking about?” Shiela could not stop her frustration. “You are thinking unnecessary things. Nothing like that is happening. Why are getting so insecure? Of course I married you with some expectations. Every girl has them. But I knew what you were and then I decided, so I am okay with that. Moreover, I can adjust with you. I never have any problem. I just thought something is bothering you which I should know so that I can help you. can’t you see that I care and I love you?” She tried to rationalize the discussion
“Now don’t give me that care thing. I know how much you care for me. When I was working hard, trying to revive my company, or covering my losses. When I was failing, you were not there. You were busy with your friends and partying? I needed you to be my side at that time” Raj made a cunning tone
“What?” Shiela was angry now “If you are so insecure, so selfish, I would not have married you. How come I never saw this cruel and filthy creature inside you? You are just a liar and a double faced person. How can you even say that I was not on your side? You never shared your problem with me. You created this pseudo picture around you that you don’t care. Whenever I asked about the problem, you said don’t worry, I will take care of that. You pretended as if it is nothing has happened. How do I know that something else was cooking in your brain”
“See your reaction on just getting a glimpse of my weakness. Anyway, I did all that because of you. I did that because you can’t take me as a coward and a failure. You wanted a person who is a brave person, you wanted a person who can take care of his problem on his own. You wanted a super man. So I projected it. I can’t come out and tell you that I am weak. Because I knew that the very moment I make that statement, I will never ever be a super man in your life. You will never see me the way you see me right now. You can’t love a weak, a coward or a failure. A male is a male and a female is a female. A male as a husband can’t be a weak or a failure. Who is going to respect a weak, coward or a failure, a normal female can’t. And you can never love a person whom you can’t respect. And that’s the truth” completing the sentence Raj got up and left the study.
Shiela sat there sobbing.
(Today, both of them (different name in the post) are sitting in front of me. I am silent as I am not sure who is right and who is wrong)