I looked at nice curves of her lips. I was instantly tempted to kiss them, however, controlled myself. She was saying something, and I was hardly listening to her words. I was just concentrating on how her lips were moving when she was making different sounds.
Every now and then she was making that ‘ssss…” sound which was creating ripples of excitement in me. And with each movement of the lips, I was getting more and more excited and impatient to kiss them.
And before something more could happen, I just went ahead and kissed her, felt the softness of her lips melting under my lips. I saw the shock in her eyes. And then I closed my eyes. I didn’t wanted to see how I entered the heaven, I just wanted to be in the heaven. Testosterone kept shooting up in my body, probably thousands of hormones were released in my body. I could feel her initial momentary resistance melting to a more passionate kiss now. The intensity of the kissing kept rising and it became more stronger, passionate, and wild. I was hugging her very tightly and I could feel her body pressing hard to me. I concentrated on her lower lips and she took my upper lips. Our heads were shifting right and left. Our bodies were pressing and rubbing against each others, we were deep into the passion. I don’t know how to define that feeling, but it is something which can only be felt at that moment. The warmth of her lips, the saliva all over, the smell, the closeness of the body, breath and everything. It was so exciting. I wanted to kiss more, I wanted more.
Suddenly her body started shaking. Oh my god, my body was also shaking. What is happening, I can’t control it. We both were shaking vigorously. And before I could realize anything, a big splash of water was all over us. Shocked by that I opened by eyes.
I saw a big man with his back towards me, I shouted “Who the hell are you, what’s happening?”
My brother turned to face me and said “Get up from the bed and your dream, you are getting late for college”
This was nothing new. Since the day I have seen her, everyday she came to my dreams and makes me wild. And today it surprised me that I am always physical with her in my dreams. I have never sang song, never sat together with her in moonlight or in a garden. I have never seen anything else except making love, kissing, hugging or all that.
Is this lust or love?
I was worried. I thought love is pure, spiritual etc. But how can love have this angle? Is physical love a part of love? Is thinking or liking someone physically cannot be called as love?
“No, not possible” my brother said “Physical act is a physical act. It is just lust, it has no emotions what so ever. Physical love can be a part of love but love cannot be a part of physical love only. You can keep doing your physical acts with many but you don’t love them. Love is far beyond that, it is much bigger than physical desire. It is understanding, care, liking, getting happier and so many things. It is much more than a momentary pleasure of lust”
“But, is love possible without physical love” I instantly asked
“Yes, why not? Look at old people they don’t keep on making physical love, but they are in love. They looked at each other, they care for each other and so on” brother smiled
“But are they really in love? Or it is just a compromise to the situation, being selfish and thinking about own self?” I forwarded my confusion
“That’s a negative way of looking at things. Everything is not based on self interest or selfish motives. People move above of such needs at one point of time. Why do think then people take care of their old or sick spouse? There is no physical expectation there” , he said
I could not answer it. But, I was not convinced. I am not old, so how do I know how old people think. Moreover, I don’t think human beings are capable to behave in such a pattern without self interest or without being selfish or without compulsions. Human beings are just smart animals. But then, he was also right.
So is my dreams of her all wrong? Is thinking about someone in physical ways all wrong? Does lust has nothing to do with love?
But, how do we know whether it is just lust or love? If I am not physically attractive to someone, can I really be in love?
Does love really exist without a physical motive behind it?
“Forget about college”, I said loud. There is nothing wrong in having another lust dream of her.
Who cares, whether it is love or lust? I just have to lie to myself that it’s love.