I am trying to write something, but I don’t have a story or a thought. I am thinking hard but I don’t find anything tempting enough to convert it into a story. I am meeting people; I am trying to find a clue in their personal lives; I am looking at nature, everywhere, but No, nothing is interesting enough to take away my precious time.
Again I am at a juncture where I am getting short of ideas. I know I have to create ideas, I have to create stories. I want to feel something; I want to invent feeling which I had never felt before.
But it’s getting complex day by day. I realize that time is passing by. And I am having this strong uproar and disturbance inside me. I am getting impatient with every passing second. I am scared of this uneasiness creeping inside me now, I want to do something but I am not sure what?
I am not sure whether other people feel like this or not. But it is something which has been occurring to me for quite sometime now. And every time it crops up in my mind, I end up doing something else.
I started writing blog when this feeling was very strong. I had sleepless nights, I had uneasiness, disturbances, darkness etc. and then the phase of calmness came into me as I started to pen down my thoughts. Everything seems to settle down. And I was enjoying writing and was happy with my life.
But somewhere deep inside me, something was happening. Something was roaring to rise again. Then it happened. I entered into the phase of disturbance once again. Everything around me turned to be meaningless. I was not at peace. I could not sleep. I had serious questions on my existence and its relevance. I wanted to understand why I am here in this world.
I am finding it hard to digest the fact that I am just a normal person with a limited creativity. And I am not fortunate enough to generate ideas from anything or everything.
This has now grown up to such a proportion that everything around me looks like fake. I don’t have anything to write; I don’t want to think anything, I don’t want to care about anything.
What is this? A sign of a disturb soul? Did a devil came inside me and took over my conscience?
I have no answers as I kept staring at the blank MS word screen in the computer in front of me.
The long black cursor in word screen was blinking with every passing second.