We didn’t even look at each other for several minutes. I had shared my room with him in the hostel for the last four years, and never felt so uncomfortable like this.
I was with him in the same room today without talking; I couldn’t imagine that, but that was the truth.
I was silent as I had nothing to say. I know I can’t make him understand as to why I did that, because I can never tell him the truth. But, instead I know I can convince him with some absurd rationale to make everything normal as I am sure he will believe me.
But it is important that he should start the conversation, so I waited.
And at last he broke the silence, “So, will you try and explain me what actually happened?”
I promptly replied “It is nothing as you all are thinking. I went to her house just for few minutes. And I did tried to call you to inform you that.” avoiding his eyes.
“You tried calling me? Where? How come I don’t see any miss calls in my cell? And can’t you text and let me know? By the way, I am not asking for how long you were there in her house. Question is why you went there?” he raised his voice this time and I realized how angry he was.
“If you keep seeing things in a negative way and if you don’t trust me, you will never believe what I say. But still, let me tell you for your satisfaction. I could not call you as network was bad. And thus, no point in texting you. And I went there because she needed some help for her assignment. And it is really nothing more than that” I tried to tone down the heat.
“Oh really!!! Nothing more than that? Do you think I am a fool? I may not be a good talker like you, but I understand lot of things. I knew no one was there at that time, and she was alone when you went to meet her. Why? You can’t even spare her also or what? You know what she meant to me? Everyone in college is talking about this, and everyone has a different story of what happened in her place. How am I supposed to hear all this? What have you actually done? ” he was really getting emotional and agitated
“Can’t you just trust me? It was nothing.” I tried rationalizing
“No, I can’t trust you in this matter. I know that you are a flirt and you don’t spare anyone. But I never thought you will check out on her also. How can you even do that? Don’t you feel sorry for me? Do you realize how difficult it will be for me? Didn’t you felt bad when you ….. I can’t even think of what you did there” he was really on the verge of crying. I could feel his frustrations
I didn’t say anything. I knew he is not going to believe whatever I say. It’s not his fault, it’s mine. Maybe I didn’t do enough to earn his trust. Actually, I never thought that he will not believe me. Whatever it is, I can’t tell him the truth. I can’t let his image of her to fall. If he blames me for everything, then fine. Even if he blames me for everything, I can’t make his heart cry because of her.
I can’t tell him that the girl whom he love so much, actually proposed me. And I went to her house just to finish off the matter between her and me. I made it clear to her that my roommate is far more important than her and I can’t even think of her.
Yes, it was actually for few minutes that I went to her place, but for him and not for me.
From that day my relation with my room mate never became normal.
He is still a good friend of that girl.
And I, just without a friend.