My cell beeped. I looked at it and saw her message saying “Hi, can we talk?”
I kept looking at the cell for sometime. I didn’t know what expression I had in my face at that time. So I turned and looked at the mirror. The image in the mirror was smiling. Yes, the devil inside me was up and smiling.
Why sometime in life we get into these situations, where everything depends on that one moment? Whatever I do or don’t do in this moment, it might change everything for me. And I don’t like this; I don’t like the fact that one moment has the power to decide my future. But whatever I do in this moment, I will never be able to rewind and undo it. Either way something is going to happen.
Somewhere inside my brain, one part was expecting this message and while some other part was scared of it too. The other part is scared because I had to do something once I received the message, either I reply or I don’t. If I don’t want to reply then why in the first place I was expecting the message. Why don’t I just keep the cell off?
I had to take a decision and I am not yet ready for that. I have several questions in my mind and I don’t have answer to most of them. Even if I keep the cell off, it is not answering the questions; it is probably postponing the questions. But again another time, this will come up, questions will have to be answered.
Even in the cold night that day, I was sweating. And it made me scared. I hate that mirror, I don’t want to see the devil inside me to smile back at me. And whenever he smiles, I realize that something is about to happen. Why am I allowing the devil inside me to rise?
It is very difficult to keep him hidden. I was facing this difficulty of convincing myself that that everything is right, when I do realize that nothing is right. It is becoming difficult for me to define hope in any other innovative way now. My thoughts are shrinking along with my hope. And somewhere the devil has realized this. On the superficial part, my brain is still clinging to the hope that everything is going to get better and I will still witness the bright sunlight one day, whereas the dark side of the brain realizes that it is the time for him to take over, as the bright sunlight is never going to come again.
It really requires strength and a really strong heart to face the cruelty of reality. It really needs strength to witness the true faces of people around and see your expectations crushed into the earth.
It is really hard to figure out that no one will come to your life and give you what you have been waiting for so long. It’s just like the sunlight; you can see it, feel it, but can never touch it. I can see her, imagine her but that is never going to be a reality. And all around me is just a cruel reality.
My thought came back to the message that I received just now. Am I really trying to find the right things in life from her? Or am I just to trying to give a new fresh definition to the word called ‘Hope’. But what if she also turned out to be just the same normal person waiting to crush my so called hope? Will I be able to withstand another story in my life of frustration, devastation, hatred? Will she really bring the bright sunlight to my life and scare away the devil inside me forever?
I replied to her text “Yes, of course we can talk” and looked at the mirror, expecting the devil to go away or stop smiling.
The image in the mirror was laughing loud at that time.
And I realized that one moment changed everything for me.