I didn’t even realize what she was doing until she came near and asked me politely “I have noticed that you are changing”.
“Changing means?” I frowned
She kept the soft tone and said “The ‘you’ that I met many months before is not the same ‘you’ now. You were creative, passionate, loving, caring. Something has changed. Now I meet a person who in true sense is somewhat distant. As if your soul is somewhere else. Are you seeing someone else or you have lost interest in me?”
Is that true? I was puzzled. Have I really lost interest in her?
I still remember I used to sit in the window for hours, just to get a glimpse of her coming down in that road to her house. I still remember writing love quotes and poems for her all the time. I still remember writing thousands of messages to her or chatting with her all day along. Then what changed.
Why is she feeling that something has changed?
Is it because I have started writing blogs instead of writing poems for her? Is it because, I am reading books too much and staying busy with my work? Is it because I don’t write love quotes for her, or is it because I don’t sit in the window looking at the road to see her coming? Am I really not passionate anymore? Or it’s just an idea that I am not passionate anymore as I don’t do things which I used to do earlier.
I kept my un-emotional tone and said “I don’t feel any change. And of course our relation has grown from that stage. So I don’t do the things which I did earlier, they are not even required.”
She continued, “No, it’s not about doing things which you used to do earlier. It’s about being ‘in’ the relation. You are not ‘in’ the relation.”
“That’s what you think. Not me. I am still with you, I take care of you. And I have no one else in my life”, I tried making a sound logic to support my case.
“May be you don’t have someone else in your life right now. But you are waiting, waiting for someone?” she said in a sentimental tone.
“How can you say that? What is there to wait? I have you. I don’t need anyone else”, I again frowned.
“Well, when I took you as my life partner, I knew I took a risk. I knew you are very passionate about things, you always looked for perfection. You are not a normal person, you wanted a perfect partner”, She paused for a while and said again “You believed in soulmate concepts, while for me relationship is something which grows with time. You liked me and became passionate about me as you found the initial attraction quite perfect. May be I was almost 80% of your requirements for soulmate in the beginning. But when things came down to compromise on issues of life, I know I failed somewhere. I saw our relation as being matured and we started understanding each other more. Where as you thought you are compromising more, and for you compromising is like killing yourself”
Someone tries to show me my true self, I hate it most. I said with an irritating voice, “How perfect? You seem to know me more than I know myself. But, I am not sure whether you are right. But yes, compromising is difficult for me, and I am trying. There were few things which I never thought I will accept in life, but I am accepting now.”
“Yes, you are trying to compromise. But one part of your brain is going against it. And this is what is resulting in sudden outburst of anger in you. You are going through a phase where you are asking yourself whether I am really worth compromising, whether you really need to do compromise with your soulmate. You are getting more surer day by day that I am not your soulmate. And that’s taking you away from me slowly and slowly. I am not saying you don’t love me, you do. But, the very belief of soulmate by you is not allowing you to accept me as your life. You created an image of soulmate, which you are not sure is the true one. In fact you will never know your soulmate. But still you will run after her, not accepting what you have with you. And this way, you will never be happy in any relation, because you will never know who is your soulmate” Her voice was breaking now along with the strength she was portraying so far.
I was silent. How can she understand me so perfectly if she is not my soulmate? But, how can she be my soulmate if I have to compromise in certain things. I assumed I will never have to compromise on things if I am with my soulmate.
Is there really any soulmates? Is it really worth waiting for soulmate, when I am not even sure whether something like soulmate ever exits.
Or, it’s better to be in relations that just get mature with time and we compromise and adjust ourselves assuming that we met our soulmates and live happily ever after?