Seven Stages of Love …

index56Naseeruddin Shah mentioned about the seven stages of Love in the movie ‘Dedh Ishiquea’ in a true romantic and meaningful way. My attempt here it to say what I felt about the seven stages of love taking the movie Titanic pictures and my old shayari(all my views are from the point of view of a man)

The Sufi traditions described the seven stages of love as Dilkashi (Attraction), Uns (Attachment), mohabbat (Love),akidat (Trust/Reverence), Ebadat (Worship), Junoon (Madness) and Maut (Death).

1. Dilkashi (Attraction) images60

The first stage of beginning of a story, eyes meet, sparks initiated and something happens. At this stage a boy likes or gets attracted to a girl. But he may not know exactly as to what attracts him, but he realizes that there is something in her which he finds interesting.

U tera kareeb aakar beth jana, aur ek haseen khusbo ke bhanwar mein hame duboo dena,

Sharmake u chupke se nazar churana, ek masoom ada se mer katl kar jana,

Bahoo ka bahoo se halke se choo jana, aur meri sansoo ka bekaboo ho jana,

Tera halke se balo ka u sawarna, mere dil ki dadkano ka tham sa jana,

Khuda ka sukriya jo etna khubsoorat ehsaas karaya,

Aaj pata chala pyaar kya hota hai, ishq kise kahte hain.

2. Uns (Attachment)

images65And now in this stage he is more interested in her and decides to woo her. So he will try to get any opportunity to talk to her, meet her and so on. He keeps on looking for her signals too. In case he do not get any indication from her in this stage he will move on to other greener pastures but not without a sincere attempt.


Tumne dekh kar undekha kar diya, kuch sine mein dard hi sahi

Tumne baat karne ka bahana bhi na banaya, chalo ek aas hi sahi

U to tum hame dekh muskurana nahi bhooltee, chalo aaj nahi phir kabhi aur hi sahi

Apne dosto ke samne hame gaer sa bana diya, chalo ek aur gustaki hi sahi

Hum panktiya pe panktiya likhte rahe, tumne padhna gawara na tha na sahi

Haato se chehra chupaye hum roote hi rahe, tumhe nazar na aaya na sahi

Hame sab manjoor hai, kabool hai, par hamari saans kisi aur ke naam kar de,

dil kisi aur ke liye dadka de, ye manjoor nahi, kabool nahi



3. Mohabbat (Love) : index55

 The most blissful of all stages. Here the guy starts feeling at top of the world unaware of other things in life just lost in thoughts of his beloved. Here, he is totally involved. She showed him attention and he is now madly in love (he thinks but actually he is not)

Nigahein hamari bhi ab dukhti hain, palke jhapakne se darti hain,

ke kahin tumhara hasin chehra na aakhon se na kho jaye,

Hamne to hazaro khuaishein ki, par dil ne sirf ek tamnna ki,

bas ek tera didar hoon jaye, ees pyase ko ek boond pani mil jayee,

yun to jeene ko har koi jeeta hain, saans lene ko har koi leta hain,

hum bhi sans le lete hain, par kasam khuda ki, har sans tumhare naam karte hain

duniya to hume choodh aage nikil gaee, hum to aaj bhi hain ruke wahi ke wahi,

aakhon mein ek khuwab liye, tutt-ti saanso ka sahara liye,

milne ka wada tumne kiya tha yaha aab chahe tufan aaye,

chahe barrish, ya aandhi, hame to maut bhi na diga payegi, dil ki ye aas mita payegi

waqt aa gaya hai faisle ka, sare jahan ko batanein ka, ke haan hame mohabat hai, mohabat hein,

mohabat hein, tumse aur sirf tumse beintehan mohabat hain



4. Akidat (Trust/Reverence) :

index57This stage initiates the process in love. Here one started trusting someone more than anything  and anyone. At this stage the boy decides about the relation and gets into it. Now, he is becoming dependent and his feelings are getting serious now. After this there is no turning back in love.


Aaj bhi tumhari awaj sunne ko taraste hain,

Rasto pe tumhare aane ki aas pe nazar bethye rakhte hain

Aaj bhi har khusbo tumhari yaad dila jati hain, Har gulab pe tumhara chehra nazar aata hain

Aaj bhi nila aasman tuhare aanchal sa lagta hain, har aahat pe tuhare aane ki aas lagate hain,

Aaj bhi patto ka lahrana tumhare sunhare balo ka jhoka sa lagta hai,

har awaj tumhare aagaj se lagti hain

Aaj bhi dil ki har dadkan tumhara naam pukarti hai, har saans tumhari dua si lagti hain

 5. Ibadat (Worship) :

index58In this stage love reaches at the extend of worshiping the beloved where nothing can be wrong with the object of worship. Here love not ends even after a denial by the beloved instead leads to the next stage of love. He is loosing control here.


Do pal ka sath na dena tha, na sahi, kya etna bada gunah kar diya

Haat na pakna tha, na sahi, kuch dur saat to chal leti

Hamari baat pe muskura na saki, na sahi, nampe hi muskura leti,

Hamse pyar karna na tha, na sahi, apni tasveer to thama deti

Apni khusbo hamre naam na karna tha, na sahi, bas kareeb se guzar jati to sahi,

Hamara intezaar na karna tha, na sahi, hamare hone ka ikrar to kar deti,

Humse baat na karna tha, na sahi, pyaar se bas do shabd likh deti,

Do pal ka sath na dena tha, na sahi, kya etna bada gunah kar diya

Etni door bhi nahi jana tha, do pal ka saath manga tha, bas sapno ki ek duniya basani thi,

tumhe manjoor nahi, na sahi

hum ees aas ke sahare he je lete hain, ees sapne ke sahare he je lete

 images666. Junoon (Madness) :

In this stage one finds his own identity incomplete without beloved thus his urge to have love reaches to the level of obsession and madness. A stage where mind stops working and heart starts ruling everything, a very dangerous stage where nothing counts except obsession about the beloved counts.


Aaj apne naam ko sirf liye ghumte hain, Apnee pehchan ko taraste hain,

Kismat ki ajab ras leela to dekho, Hume hamse he paraya kar diya,

Tum hamara naam he le lo, aab to bas usi sahare je lete hain,

Besahare pan ki hadh to dekho, Ab aas bhi aas na rahi,

Eek tumhara didar ho jaye, usi sahare je lete hain, bas je lete hain

7. Maut (Death) :

index54The final stage of love now the self identity is completely lost. Here the existence of lover depends on the existence of beloved. There is no turnaround. The final end of a love story either from both the lover or the boy as he believe he can’t exist without her.

Naraaz hona hi tha to kisi aur baat ka sahara le liya hota,

Hume bewafa kah kar majak to na udaya hota,

Hume manjoor he ki hum aapki mohabat ke kabil nahin,

Par uska haat pakad ke hamara dil to na dukhaya hota

Hum kudh ko mita kar, apni nazaro se girakar, bhi aap ko na hasa paye,

Kya uski har baat pe hasna jaroori tha

Saayari to humne bhi ki thi, kavitaye to humne bhi likhi thi,

lekin kya es kahani mein uska kirdar jaroori tha,

Ab aur na jukh sakenge, tumhe hamari mohabat ka vishvash na dila sakenge,

dil se sirf ek guzarish karte hai

Agar ho sake to Hamari kabar pe ek lal gulab gira dena,

hum har saans tumhare naam kar jayenge, hum maut bhi muskura ke kabool kar lenge



But, most of the time, especially in this 21st century seven stages differ a little bit.

Appreciation : the boy appreciate and likes the girl. He may not know why he likes her, but there is something which is interesting in her. Of    course, there are several of girls which he will find interesting.

Infatuation : here, he would try to woo her and will look for some signal about her interests. If there is nothing like that he surely moves to the other girl which is he was interested in.

Attraction : Slightly more attracted here and will make a little more serious attempt here (may be to keep his reputation). His main agenda here is to ensure that she likes him too. He is not still thinking about love or going anything near to it.

Impression – more serious attempt and try to impress her through his male ness. Give her gift, how her his cars, bikes etc.

Conviction – all he know here is that he want the girl to love him. Main agenda is to get the girl in all senses. His feelings are still the same but its more of a prestige issue now.

Reaffirmation – After getting confirmation from her, he thinks now, whether this is what he wants, or there is something better for him. Most of the cases relations end here because of mis-trust or the guy decides to fall in love too.

Love – all is green now. He is in love (I hope this time he is sure) and the girl also is in love …. Till the question of marriage kicks in ….


(all pictures taken from movie Titanic and source


13 thoughts on “Seven Stages of Love …

  1. You are too good buddy..! The way you depicted every bit of life, its awesome… !
    I intentionally overlooked the 21st century stuff as my friends always say that I dont deserve to live in this century. They are right. I hardly believe the stages you mentioned later…:) But those are the truth, yes, I know…:)
    “Tu jo chhoo le pyaar se
    aaraam se mar jaaoon main…”
    Pyaar to aise hi hota, jaha log haste haste mar sakta hai, na?


    • thanks for your valuable comments … it really makes a difference when i am able to convey my thoughts in a constructive way…
      i too dont believe in today’s concept of love .. i still look for something very pure, spiritual and eternal … not corrupted by today’s pollutions…
      trust me .. there is a posibility … true love in old form do exists in this world now also …


    • theoritically 7th stage may sound good .. but practically i dont believe in it .. if life is ended then whats the point in loving someone. . it’s better to live in someones memory rather then having no memory at all ..
      live and maybe live for her ,,,, in memory of her … be her always .. that’s new meaning of love


  2. Hmmm.. But after traveling all the five along with her, 6th seems to be intolerable all of a sudden…alone. The thought of 7th comes into play desparately..! and you rightly said “A stage where mind stops working and heart starts ruling everything, a very dangerous stage where nothing counts….”


    • C’mon buddy … i said heart rules … so let the heart live .
      and you know .. i passed through these stages .. but now i enjoy the loneliness … and now i dont need anyone .. memories are enough to live alongside this harsh and cruel world…


  3. Great post 1 I liked the urdu stages better.. and it seems to me that a true love in today’s time will reach upto Akidat . To go beyond that the loved one must be possesed of soem thing divune yet simple like honesty. then thye feelings can move to the Ibadat and beyond spheres….


    • perfectly true … now a days we don’t understand anything about true love .. we just think that what we have is love …
      The divine and spiritual love is something so rare. But, that is what we live for …
      thanks for sharing your thoughts … and i am happy that my urdu lines were good enough to read


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