It was 3:15 am. I was in my balcony. I knew this was not the right time to be outside. As per my belief this was the time when ghosts used to return back to their houses.
But, today I was not scared.
I wanted to face the scariest ghosts. They can’t be scarier than the one which was inside me. By now, I was sure I had the one inside me, and it likes the darkness.
How I came to that conclusion? Well, it’s not that sudden. I have realized it after analyzing my past. I have concluded that I don’t have emotions for anyone else. All emotions are my property, they are just for me. I just do things which please me, and in the way if someone gets hurt I don’t care. In fact, I do many things which hurt a lot of people. But, I just kept doing it as it pleased me. And when I was over it, I just leave, leaving aside few broken hearts, crushed souls, dead emotions and what not, but I don’t cared. Who else can do or act like that, except a scary ghost.
So why do I do things, even when I know that people are going to get hurt? Because, I have a ghost inside me. And it has overtaken my will power. I can’t control myself. That is why even when I know that I am doing something wrong, I can’t stop myself. The ghost inside me enjoys the pain being injected in others life. It laughs inside me. It always wants to win. And surprisingly it comes with different techniques to win over other people. When I look back to my life, I can’t even imagine that I did all those things, calling someone 200 times within 20 minutes, leaving someone when I was needed the most, neglecting relations at time of crisis, beating someone without a proper valid reason, but I did. And I was sure any rational person will probably not do anything like that. I could do it, because the dark ghost inside me was running my life. This ghost inspires, instigate me to do negative things, dark bad things which a normal person can’t do.
Do I want to kill the darkness of the soul? Do I want to kill the ghost inside me? Well, why should I ?
Does this world really pays you back for being good always? I never got anything when I was good. People treated me like thrash, neglected me, I was hurt. But now, I am not, I thrash them, neglect them, hurt them. And I like it. Why should I kill the darkness of the soul, when it is something which is giving me enormous power? We may not like what Hitler did, but we all know about Hitler. Hitler too had this darkness of the soul. He wanted to conquer and rule this world, not in positive way but in negative way. I can’t be as big as Hitler to dream to rule the world. But, I am surely powerful enough to conquer and rule my own world. And with a soft pure soul, I can’t do that.
I want this darkness of the soul. I am not interested in killing the darkness of the soul.