If she has normal delivery, my expenditure will come to around 5000, but if something wrong happens, it might go up to 15000 to 50,000 or may be even more. No, I cant even think of that.
I had to shift her to a hospital now. I looked at his diary and the monthly expenditures. My saving was Rs.6000 only. I could not save anything more than that. I had to survive also and feed my family within a budget of 15000. I wanted to sell my scooter, the only asset I had, but, didn’t realized that she will have the pain so soon.
I was already into serious debt with banks, local money lenders, relatives. I had nowhere to go for money. I knew my money management was wrong somewhere, but everything does not happen according to plans. My serious illness, three months in hospital, losing job was not planned. A year long illness of my father, his operation in hospital was not planned. But I had to survive, and I had to take care of my parents too. I always thought I will come out of this debt burden. I worked hard. I stopped extra expenditures, but still I need to eat, my family need to eat.
I looked at her, tried to smile and said “yes, we will go to hospital now. Let’s hope god will take us through this also without any troubles. Don’t worry, I already have lit agarbati and diya in front of the god, I am sure he will take care of us”.
She also tried to smile back with assurance. She knew that neither I lit agarbati or diya in front of god nor I pray to god. She knew I don’t trust god now.
As soon as we reached hospital, she was taken to observation room. After whole night being in the careful observation of the doctor, I got the news at morning 4am that I am a father now. The nurse came out with the baby to show me his face.
I kept looking at him, few tears rolled out from my eyes. I could not gather the courage to take him into my arms.
My hands were shaking; Do I really want to welcome him to my world?
But then, I did. I took him into my arms and kissed his forehead. I said loud “Look at me baby, Dad is here, he will take care of you from now on”.
I smiled, I know I had to take care of him now, no matter what. That’s the reality of life.
I am ready to joke with this life realities.
And now after five years, when I look at him, I don’t have tears in my eyes. He brings smile in me now, as I know I still take good care of him.