As I started following regime and a time table for everything, I started realizing that now I have more than enough time for doing things which I like. I always liked paintings. Now, I was able to devote full one hour to my hobby, without affecting any other work.
I also started doing small exercises. Life was changing. Suddenly I was feeling this confidence. I was feeling fit and healthy. As I was eating healthy food and my sleep habits were regularized now. And as soon as I changed my wardrobe, I was different. People started commenting on my change. I was feeling happy, there was a feeling of self believe. I was realizing that pure dedication and sincerity can really bring about change.
But then, something kept on disturbing me. Everything in my life was becoming too systematic and routine. I was getting impatient now.
The other day I met her and told her “Hey, I am feeling pretty good now”
“Really, that’s amazing. I always said that you will feel better once you start following the regime and take certain positive steps” she was excited
“Yes, I think so, I can feel the difference, but … ” I said
“But what? I thought once you are over with the basic steps and satisfied we will move to the next steps”
“My life is becoming too streamlined and routine. I am feeling restricted, as if regime is restricting me and my independence. It feels as if even if I want to do something, I am not able to do it. I don’t want every bit of my life to be planned” I showed my doubts.
She said with a smile “I knew this will come up, I was expecting this. Trust me an unsystematic, unstructured life cannot lead you to happiness. You are feeling restricted because of the rebellion, the frustration inside wants to be free. The darkness does not want itself to be controlled by the brightness in you.” She paused for a while and then continued “if things are not structured in your life, you will be confused, you will not have sufficient time to take decision and then your mind will be in disturbances. You need to make your brain seasoned and controlled. The moment you do not improve or utilize your will power, it gets distracted, it starts wandering in areas which are detrimental to the inner peace. The unruly mind will take to areas which will cause disruptions in your life. You will become disturbed and that’s what is darkness.”
She waited and said again “All you have to do now is put your will power in test. Believe in yourself and see that all things are streamlined and all your thoughts are put into better use and in positive direction”
What she said was right? I need to test my will power and I have to do that.
I have to believe in my self to be happy.