The train started moving slowly and I felt like running to them. But couldn’t. I looked around myself, Oh god! I don’t know anyone of them. How can they leave me like this?
I wanted to shout “Please, don’t go; please don’t leave me like this”. I did nothing, I just kept standing and crying and looking at moving train.
And my parents went away, leaving me like that to stay with some unknown.
I was a normal young boy. And I had never protested my parent’s decision. But this decision to keep me in boarding school was difficult one for me. I could not stop myself from asking them, I knew I can’t change their decisions. But I wanted to make an attempt. I silent wish, maybe they will understand that I don’t want to leave them.
One week back when I asked them why they are sending me to hostel, they said “You have to study; You have to grow up in life and be a great man”.
I said “But I can stay with you all and study also”
They said “The boarding school which we have selected is among the best one. You will learn things which you can’t learn otherwise. Moreover we are very busy nowadays and can’t put the enough time and effort. You are growing and you need proper direction”
I said “but I don’t know anyone there. I want to stay with you.”
They said “It’s okay baby, soon you will make friends, don’t worry. There are lots of students like you. You will adjust with them. And anyway, now and then, one of us will be visiting you, you will also come to stay with us during your holidays. You will not even realize how days will pass by. And all you need to do is to concentrate and study. Don’t keep on thinking about us too much”
I listened to everything, but understood nothing. They seemed to be really concerned. And I also felt that they will do whatever is best for me. But, I can’t live without them, and they should have know and understood that.
I had never lived away from my parents, and I was young, immature, and emotional. And this was the first time I was about to stay apart from them. I didn’t wanted to go to hostel. I didn’t wanted to meet anyone. I don’t want to think anything about my future, I just needed my parents to be my side.
I thought, I could have studied and stayed with them. Was it really necessary to send me far away from them? They said it was necessary. But what about what I felt? I never thought my mother will even survive without me. But, I was wrong. Nothing changed. It was hard for me to understand the fact that someone whom I love so much will leave me like this. My mom always knew that there was no one important in my life apart from her. But, she thought about my career instead and her busy schedule, and left me to stay with some others. Love and care was not much important at that time.
And that very day I closed the door for my parents. I never went back to them, I don’t know whether I was right or wrong. I do met them occasionally, but I realized everyone is selfish. They chose something which was more acceptable to them, rather than thinking about what I was going through.
May be I was too young to realize what was good or bad. But, something hurt me somewhere deep, and it put a scare somewhere. I couldn’t come out of it. My relation with my mother never became normal after that.
And from that day my life changed. I was never the same. I never again looked for that care and love. I never wanted to be abandoned, never wanted to feel helpless. I never loved anyone again.
And my life started in this world of strangers.