“Am I not with you?” I smiled. I know she was angry at me because of my too many affairs.
‘Are you? No, you are not? You are distant, somewhere far away.
I gave you everything, and still ready to give you more than what you want. But, still you are not with me. Somewhere I am missing the real you” she shook her head in desperations.
“I am just a love preacher. I just teach people how to love someone. I teach them what really the feeling of love is all about”, I said as I raised my hand as if I was blessing her.
“But you don’t love anyone” she smirked and looked at me sharply.
“Doesn’t matter, with me you will understand how to love a person. What is the feeling of love?” I still kept my hand raised in blessing position. I wanted to feel my greatness, I was the god at that moment.
“But why don’t you love someone, or maybe love me” she said as she started scratching her head.
“I do love you, but I also love others. When I am with you, I love you, when I am with others, I love them. You will never know the difference. Didn’t I gave you whatever you wanted. If you got what you wanted, what is the problem?” I said it softly as if it was all her mistake. How can I tell her that I am just a flirt. I had to give some brave justifications and I knew she was innocent enough to fall in my trap.
“But I can’t share you. I want whole of you. How can you love two person at one time?” she cupped her face with both hands and said it so lovingly. Sometimes I do feel sorry for her. How easily I destroy people lives? I don’t even feel bad.
“Don’t you love your parents and me at the same time? Don’t you love your sister and love me at the same time. Where is the difference then? Of course we can love many people at the same time” I said but didn’t looked at her, I was surprised at myself. I seriously come with some strange logics just to justify my act. That’s funny, but I felt proud of my ability.
“But the love is different in each case. My love for my father is not similar to the love I have for you. How can you compare them?” she raised her genuine doubts.
“I am not comparing. I am just saying that we can love many people at the same time. The only difference is we express the love in different forms. May be with your parents it turns out to be caring for them, may be for me it is kissing and feeling it. But the inner core is just love.” I said, still defending myself with absurd justifications.
“I can’t understand your logic. I don’t know what you are saying. Okay I can understand parents and you. what about loving two girls at the same time? like you do are doing” she said and turned her face, just to show her pseudo anger. This girl really loves me, I thought.
“Loving two girls is the same as loving two different individuals. Each one is different and each one gives you the love in different forms. Maybe one will care more for you, while the other will be physically express her love, another one may just be silent and let you do the things and so on” I said and turned her face towards me.
“That means everyone in this world can have two three girlfriends” she still kept her face red with the pseudo anger.
“It is not a problem until and unless, other expectations are attached to it. For example, if you expect him to come to you and stay with you the whole day. Then it’s a problem. There are many societies where one husband has many wives and all live happily. In fact our many gods gave examples of polygamy. What that means?” now that was bad, I shouldn’t put our god’s examples for my excuses to misdeeds.
“But I would like to spend most of the time with you” this time she cupped my face with both her hands, her eyes were moist.
“You would like it, what about what I like? If you really love me, then you will just appreciate the time you get from me. If you really love me, you will provide me my privacy and my independence. The true love is only possible when I am me and you are you” I smiled, of course I need independence so that I can go to others.
“But, your independence is to go to other girls”, this time she caught me. I think I am making her smart.
“That shows you are jealous. And in pure form of love, there is nothing like jealously. You move above from earthly factors. You assume the divine feeling of love”, again I gave a googly, the ultimate justification for cheating.
“What are you talking about? How can I love someone and not get jealous or possessive” she was getting frustrated by my no sense logics now.
“Your jealously and possessiveness is sign of your insecurity. It is the fear of losing your beloved one. But in true love, there can’t be any fear. It is all about feelings. When you truly love someone, you don’t feel insecure, instead you feel secure” of course if you feel insecure, I will be doomed. You will not allow me to go away
“How is that possible? Of course I will be insecure if you move around with other girls.” Again caught red handed.
“Even if I move with other girls, or love them. I come back to you. And the moment I spend with you is the divine love. The feeling of love has to be very pure. That is why sacrifice is known as the highest form of pure love. If you are ready to sacrifice something for someone, then you value the person more than anything else. You are not forced to sacrifice, you do it because it makes you happy. Nor you declare your sacrifice, you just do it. Sacrifice with expecting appreciations doesn’t count at all” I could not understand what I was saying, but I just had to convince her
“But why will I sacrifice when I am not even sure whether you will stay with me. or whether you actually love me. Moreover why should I only sacrifice, you sacrifice your girls and be with me always” she got angry
“If you have all those doubts then probably you don’t love me. You are expecting appreciation of your feelings. And that can’t be love. If you are expecting something in return of your feelings, then it can’t be pure. It is corrupted with expectations” please don’t expect anything from me. I just want to run away from you.
“Now that’s wrong. How can you have love without expectations” she still thinks I love her
“Love can be without expectations because you don’t have to expect anything. You will get it without expectations. In pure form of love, the other person will understand you in true sense, you will get what you want without asking. If you have to ask for something, then probably he didn’t understand you and trust me there can’t be love without extreme understanding of each other” so please understand me that I need to go, I am getting caged here, I need to breathe free.
“But understanding will only come when we express our expectations” she made a desperate attempt
“No, you don’t need to express your expectations. Say for example, one day you want to have ice cream because the weather is dry and hot, if he brings you ice cream without you even saying anything. That is understanding. If he knows you, understands you then he will know exactly what you want and when you want. If feelings are to be expressed, they are not feelings at all. If your express your expectations, then probably you are making adjustments, you want things to become your way. You are telling him that, this is what I want, this is what I like and so on. Don’t do that, let him feel it, let him do it. If does exactly what you like or want, then that’s pure understanding and compatibility” that was sound logic, and that was one thing I actually believed in
“But that’s telepathy or sixth sense maybe. That’s not possible in each case or for everyone” and this time I agreed with her also.
“Exactly, that is why the true feeling of love is so rare. And that is what I do. I teach love to people. I teach them how to understand people without expressing oneself. If you are sad or depressed for some reason and he cannot understand you, then do you really think he understands you? I show people what is possible. I show people what they can get and what true understanding is all about. If they can see through me, how understanding each other is possible. With others also they will try. I understand you, I give you what you want without you expressing me everything. And I have learned this by knowing myself in perfect way. If you know yourself in true sense, your energy flow to the other person and you are enlightened enough to understand the other person” In other words, I am an expert flirt and please allow me to flirt with others. And be great enough to accept it.
“But aren’t you are just destroying their lives. What if they don’t get someone like you”, she said. I thought, who cares, as long as I get what I want. I can’t afford to be sympathetic here.
“That is not destroying, that is enlightening life. Even if you don’t get what you want, you always treasure what you felt. The divine pure form of love is rare. But if you can feel it, or even brush near it, you are fortunate. This feeling of love is something pure and can’t be compared to anything” the final bombshell, I knew she will have nothing more to say, but to just surrender her to myself.
I continued, “So, don’t waste your time getting jealous or possessive about me. Just love me for the time I am with you like never before”
She came close and hugged me tightly.
I smiled. Another one convinced, and another one enlightened.