Though I am not a very much party goers’ types, still I always enjoy open air music shows. Especially the heavy metal rock shows. The power of vocal cords and the rhythm of their guitars and drums always excited me. I loved it.
But that day it was not a western music show, I just went to a local music extravaganza. It was arranged in a small local stadium. The place smelled of youth, it was crowded with lots of young people of all shapes and sizes. At the beginning I felt little suffocated, but soon adjusted to it. My friends started their round of booze even before the program started. As usual I just started scanning people around me to keep myself busy. Most of them were in groups, probably same college or something, with occasional few standing alone. It was a good mix of young people ,there was expectation, power, belief, excitement and much more in them. There was a kind of energy in the air and it was effecting me too.
Then the music started at the stage, and the loud chorus shout from the crowd immediately followed it. I could see lots of hands shot up in the air with burning cigarettes. Had it been an agitation, the demand would have been immediately met, seeing so many agitated burning flames. I felt ashamed and lowered my hand with the burning cigarette. However, the music became louder with drum beats, and shouts from the crowd too supported it. The burning cigarette were now churning smokes like steam engines, and the whole atmosphere was filled up with carbon dioxide rich air. I felt proud as I took an active part in contributing to the carbon dioxide at my level best. Normal air with oxygen or with carbon dioxide, who cares, as long as everyone was breathing and enjoying the music, it was fun.
And with a sudden outburst of uproar, the crowd greeted the singer. As soon as he entered the stage, he started singing. The young looking singer with long curly hairs and traditional attire really had a heavy voice. And I think he started with a very popular song of his, as I saw most of crowd singing alongwith. The crowd was really enjoying the songs, dancing, jumping and the noise. He was professional and quite experienced as he really understood the pulse of the crowd, and with his humorous oratory skills, was doing magic for the crowd. Every now and then everyone started clapping and jumping and shouting at his numbers. With everyone around me shouting and jumping and dancing, I also felt this adrenaline rush in me, and as the program proceeded it was reaching alarming levels.
Suddenly, a thought struck me. What if I can sing and perform like him in the stage? Looking at the singer and the way he was making the crowd go mad, I thought, I want to be like him. I want this attraction; I want to be a star. The thought itself was so exciting. I looked around myself. Yes, I want to be like him and make people jump and dance in my tune.
The overdose of the adrenaline along with lack of oxygen was showing its effect. I am getting crazy thoughts. How can I be a singing star, when I hardly know anything about singing, in fact I don’t even go close to understanding the higher or lower notes, let alone my voice which can easily make a child cry.
But, I wanted this attraction, this star power, this feeling of people getting crazy for me.
Ok, I understand that I can’t be a singing star. I still can be a star, maybe in something else, maybe I can …. I can …. I can …
And there I had it. My brain felt like bursting. I sat down in the ground. May be I can …. What?
I am educated, qualified, well groomed, disciplined, good looking, hardworking, polite, but then there are millions and millions of males like me. I just don’t have anything to make me a star? I am just an ordinary person, born without any special skills. I just know how to pull my life along but that’s it. I am not an expert in anything at all.
I slowly stood up and moved towards the gate. The music has turned to noise now. And the whole atmosphere was getting extremely suffocating. I hate it now.
While walking towards my house, I didn’t forgot to buy the bread and milk for the next day morning breakfast. The reality had struck its strongest blow to me today. It crushed my dream of becoming a star. But few question kept on resonating in mind. Why I am just a normal person? Why I don’t have anything special? Why I can’t be star?
As I was about to reach my house I crossed the temple. The temple door was open and I could see the big statue of Lord Krishna. I paused for few minutes, looked at him with lot of questions in mind. I knew none of them will be answered. No matter how hard I try he is not going to say anything except smiling at me. I thought, How convenient? People keep asking hundreds and hundreds of questions, you just smile and don’t utter a single word.
Without waiting for his response I proceeded towards my home. As I reached home and opened the door, I saw my ailing mother still lying in bed. She looked at me and said in her fragile breaking voice, ‘Oh, my star is back home early”
I smiled back at her. “May be the Lord answered my request in his own style”