Me, my kill

2773401_f260The tiger was standstill; he didn’t want to make his move, not yet, before he was certain that everything is perfect. He was afraid to make any noise, didn’t wanted to loose his victim, the cute deer. He was patient enough, he had no hurry. He knew he had to make the kill today.

It’s been long and this time he wanted to have the deer all for himself. He decided on his kill strategy and then, slowly made his move, he put his paw in the ground as if it was a feather, made no sound whatsoever. He silently moved ahead to the most appropriate attacking position. And then with a sudden jump came just in front of the helpless deer. The deer was dumbstruck; it was not left with many options to run. It tried moving back but got struck heavy bush behind, and before it could realize anything, the tiger struck it with its strong claws right in the neck. Tears rolled out the deer eyes. The tiger was not bothered, he had to make his kill.

In my life, She, the tigress, attacked me mercilessly at that time. It was a perfect attack, I never had any other option than to surrender myself to her. She, my love, killed my soul, without bothering about the tears in my eyes.

She is, was, and will always be my love. I could not think that I fell in love with a wrong girl, that she didn’t deserve my love, the love for her in my heart overpowered the doubts in my mind. I gave her my soul.

But, whatever I did, it was never enough for her. I bargained, I begged, I gave her everything that I had, but nothing was enough. My love also was not enough. I always had a hope that things will get better, time will provide a solution to the misunderstanding, it didn’t, it just made things worse. Each moment with her, which I always dreamt of being full of love, turned out to be full of pain. It started becoming more painful to stay with her than being away. Her picture, her thoughts, her shadow, her fragrance became my love. My silence became my best partner, my loneliness became my soulmate. But still I kept my hope alive, hope of feeling her love, hope of dreaming in her arms, hope of making her smile, hope of smiling too. It was just a hope.

I didn’t even realized when things became much worse with her, and how she started killing my soul. She made me felt that I was not a writer, who could write a romantic novel on her. That I was not a poet who could write beautiful poems for her like Shakespeare, that I was not an artist, who could make portrait of her like mona lisa. That I was not an architect, who could build another Taj Mahal for her, nor was I a filmy hero who could sing and dance with her in rain. For her I just had very simple things to offer, my heart, my soul and all my love. For her I was just an ordinary person.

And like a pure tigress, she didn’t announce the killing time or date. She just killed me one fine day, killed my love, crushed my soul, my hope and left me forever.

It took me several years to put my life together. But this time, I had stripes in my body, a long moustaches, long claws, big teeth, and the heart of a killer. I was not the helpless dear any more, I was the tiger now, the injured tiger at his best. And I had to make several kills to survive. I was revengeful. And nothing, simply nothing was powerful enough to stop me from killing. It never mattered who I was killing, but I just had to. I had to kill souls like mine was killed. This time the mind overpowered the heart.

Till now, I am making my perfect kills. I crush souls deep enough that it can never rise back to become a tiger. And the best part of being an animal is that there is no need to use my heart, my cruelty is enough. I just plainly kill to survive; I don’t have to feel anything.

So far I believed that only helpless deer cries, and tigers never did. But, this ‘tiger’ me, always did without any feelings.

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