Many a times it happens to us that we meet someone and we just like them, feel comfortable talking to them or sharing ourselves with them. At the beginning it seems okay with us, but soon we try to find an explanation for that, we start searching for a name to that.
As we believe every feeling should be defined as per our societal nomenclature. We are scared of things which don’t have any explanation or name to it. And when we could not establish a name to such feeling, we started assuming things, we don’t realize what we are doing. And this ultimately results in confusions, miscommunication, heart breaks.
Some people will try to call it chemistry, fling, infatuations, love, friendship etc. etc. But is it really required? Isn’t it that as soon as we attached a name to it, we actually draw some boundaries around it. We try to make it follow some kind of standard protocol or procedures. Say, if we call that a love, it has to end it in marriage. Say, if it is called friendship, then we are not supposed to have feelings of love. Isn’t it that as soon as we give the name to it, we start taking the other person as granted, or destined for some standard actions and behaviors? Where does the independence of expression and feelings then? If we living in the shadows of some predefined behaviors, aren’t we restricting our feelings, our independence. But is life so simple. Can we really do it ? Or we just lie to each other and to ourselves.
Some people will say ‘all feelings will need reciprocation, otherwise it cease to grow’. Is that what feelings are all about? Do we feel something and expect the other one to appreciate and reciprocate? Ask a mother monkey, who keeps hugging her child for around three days after he dies. Is she expecting love Or its just her love? Animals show these affections because their feelings are pure, they don’t understand that they have to expect something in return. But we humans are beyond that, we are selfish, we expect something in return. And still we call it as our pure feelings.
It is always believed that, the higher you go up in the ladder of life, more loner you become. Is it because when you stop expecting things in return, you deviate from the normal routines of relationships.
We believe a relationship is based on expectations. But, as we start expecting something from someone, we start loosing yourself, because we start depending on our expectation from the other person. We cannot be happy if we seek our happiness in others, happiness has to come from within us. Love is something which itself is wonderful, but as soon as it is linked with expectations it looses its charm. In any case, the very fact that we have special feelings for the other person should make us happy and not whether he reciprocates or not. How can anyone be happy, if he or she is searching his or her happiness in others?
Easier said than done. We are social animals, it is not easy for us to survive without expectations (otherwise we will land up in himalayas). We are dependent on relationships, and we do compromises with our own identity to ensure that we maintain that relationships. Our mind understands all this. It is not our heart which is saying something else, it is just our brain which is trying to convince ourself about something which is not there, but which the ‘real’ us desire.
The fake me will always succeed. In order to remain in this world, i can never be the REAL ME !!!